Vampires

Corpúsculo by The Harvard Lampoon

By The Harvard Lampoon

“Estaba completamente segura de unas tres cosas. Primero, Edwart period, tal vez, mi alma gemela, quizá. Segundo, él tenía una parte de vampiro —que yo asumía estaba totalmente fuera de su control— que me quería muerta.Y tercero, yo deseaba incondicional, irrevocable, impenetrable, heterogénea, ginecológica y vergonzosamente que me besara”. Y así, Belle Goose se enamoró del misterioso y chispeante Edwart Mullen en esta desternillante parodia de los angeles irreverente Harvard Lampoon.
 
Pálida y patosa, Belle llega a Switchblade, Oregon, buscando una aventura o por lo menos, un compañero de clase inmortal. Pronto descubrirá a Edwart, un nerd guapo, loco de las  computadoras, con cero interés por las chicas. Después de ser testigo de extraños sucesos –¡Edwart no se ha comido sus patatas rellenas!¡Edwart los angeles ha salvado de una bola de nieve!–, Belle tiene una dramática revelación: Edwart es un vampiro. Pero, ¿cómo convencerle para que los angeles muerda y los angeles convierta en su novia eterna si parece sentir repulsión por las chicas?
 
Políticamente incorrecta, llena de amor, peligro, acoso e insuficiente supervisión paternal, Corpúsculo es l. a. hilarante historia de una chica obsesionada por los vampiros que busca el amor en el sitio equivocado.

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Extra resources for Corpúsculo

Example text

Why? Because from dawn till dusk, whatever the time of year, a vampire is clinically dead. If you examine me during the day, you’ll see no movement whatsoever: no heartbeat, no brain activity – nothing. I look like an extremely fresh corpse. As for what I feel like . . well, it’s exactly like being anaesthetised. Exactly.

Silver bullets over the Internet, for fifteen dollars each plus postage. ‘Here it is,’ said Dave. ‘Here’s the trademark. ’ It troubled me that the demand for silver bullets was big enough to sustain a viable business. ’ ‘Of course not,’ Horace rejoined. For a moment I actually thought that he might have something insightful to contribute. But then he drawled, ‘Most of these people must be after werewolves. Though they probably wouldn’t draw the line at shooting the odd vampire. ’ Horace has an irritating habit of teasing people as a form of stress relief.

Nobody knew. Not even Father Ramon. Horace began to claw at his hair. ‘This is bad,’ he shrilled. ’ Dave was getting antsy. ’ If he hadn’t started jerking me out of the room, I would have agreed. For all we knew, Casimir’s killer was in the neighbouring apartment, waiting to pick us off, one by one, as we made our exit. For all we knew, Bridget and Gladys and George were already dead. But I hate the way people assume that I’m brainless, just because I look like a kid. I hate the way they keep pushing me around.

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